my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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