Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
