I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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