The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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