She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Drake has all the answers
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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