I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
false alarm. still invincible.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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