I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
