Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
