you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So vagazzling was a success
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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