well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
