i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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