toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
