We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
