so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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