Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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