I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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