this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
