Well apparently he's into motor boating.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
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Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
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Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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