There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm always down for nudity.
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