I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
