i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
