I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
