Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
