hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
