I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
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well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
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We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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