there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
