Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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