I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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