Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I have aggressive nipples.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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