so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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