So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
