And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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