Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
