Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
