What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
