So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
