Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
This is my gift to your gina
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
