He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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