How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
