just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.