Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?

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  (650): Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards? http://tfl.nu/fenr
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."

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  (614): If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers." http://tfl.nu/20g9
  Replies (6) Good night (1593) Bad night (474) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.

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  (651): I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol. http://tfl.nu/cmai
  Replies (21) Good night (3546) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ

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  (405): I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ http://tfl.nu/wml8
  Replies (62) Good night (1678) Bad night (3019) Order T-Shirt
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead

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  (336): I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead http://tfl.nu/oo5k
  Replies (19) Good night (1394) Bad night (4542) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Church boner. Awkwardddd

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  (203): Church boner. Awkwardddd http://tfl.nu/s9a2
  Replies (43) Good night (2476) Bad night (5407) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.

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  (780): He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again. http://tfl.nu/j7t8
  Replies (19) Good night (4457) Bad night (1434)
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  (619): View more from California

  Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem

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  (619): Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem http://tfl.nu/oy3i
  Replies (7) Good night (771) Bad night (1691) Order T-Shirt
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.

  (406): View more from Montana

  Hospital.

  (509): View more from Washington

  I am invincible.

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  (509): Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all. (406): Hospital. (509): I am invincible. http://tfl.nu/el46
  Replies (10) Good night (2353) Bad night (985)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce

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  (401): I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce http://tfl.nu/vjco
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.

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  (+44): When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone. http://tfl.nu/uct6
  Replies (4) Good night (430) Bad night (1074)
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  (714): View more from California

  He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.

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  (714): He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE. http://tfl.nu/67b2
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  (209): View more from California

  I will pee on everything he values.

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  (209): I will pee on everything he values. http://tfl.nu/vmpd
  Replies (8) Good night (1168) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
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  (979): View more from Texas

  Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other

  (1-979): View more from Texas

  LOL its 11 am

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  (979): Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other (1-979): LOL its 11 am http://tfl.nu/yfdw
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..

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  (573): I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember.. http://tfl.nu/rkzm
  Replies (2) Good night (679) Bad night (206) Order T-Shirt

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