sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you had me at cake vodka
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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