so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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