i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
