My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
