Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize