I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
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I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
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I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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