new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she smelled like a LAN party
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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