I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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