What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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