He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
