You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
