When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
