I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Randomize
