I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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