grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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