I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
