There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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