Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
