he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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