Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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